On Tuesday, October 25, I saw the adoption agency's phone number show up on my cell phone. It was Jan calling to let us know that an African American baby girl had been born that morning, and she wanted to double check that we would like our "book" to be shown to the mom. Normally the agency does not let you know when your book is being shown, however since this was a baby of a different race, she wanted to double check. Doug and I had prayed extensively about transracial adoption, and felt God had led us to be open to any race, that He would provide the perfect child for our family and we would be the perfect family for that child. (That's a pretty simplistic way of putting it, could write a whole blog post on that as well - but don't want to get sidetracked in my story). We gave Jan the green light, and she said she would let us know the next day the decision, either way.
That evening, we talked about girl names; I was partial to the name Elyse, and I liked hyphenated names like Anna-Kate, Anna-Grace. We thought of Hope Elyse, but Doug thought that sounded too much like "hopeless" run together. So we put together Analise, and both liked it. According to some random site on the internet, the name means, "God's Bounty," and that is pretty cool. Neither of us wanted to plan or do too much else, since there was a 50/50 chance that we would not be getting this child.
Wednesday morning, I met my mom at a church craft fair (Eli was at Mother's Day Out). And yes, checked my phone every few minutes it seemed, making sure I wasn't missing any important phone calls. I saw so many cute baby girl things at the craft fair, but I didn't feel comfortable buying anything, since we just didn't know.
As I walked to my car to start heading back home, the phone rang, and it was Jan. I don't remember her exact first words, but I do remember her saying that the mom didn't choose us just because we were local (she had also been show families that lived outside of Houston). I remember saying, "wait - you mean we WERE PICKED?" It was all so much to process! Jan ran down the details of the baby's birth (4:23 a.m., 6 lbs, 11 oz, healthy), and gave what background she knew about the birth mom. She said the mom would like to meet us at the agency on Thursday (the next day) to do the paperwork and give us the baby. I'm re-living the moment in my head as I write, and am getting a little teary. It's such an honor to be chosen by someone as the family that will love and raise the child that she just carried in her belly for 38 weeks.
Once we hung up, I called Doug first, then my mom, and then either my brother or sister next, can't remember the order. When I called Laura, I knew she would be at work and really can't take phone calls there (it's a preschool), but it was close to when the kids would be going home so I called anyway. Her coworker answered her phone, and when Laura got on, she said, "can you text me?" I blurted out, "we're getting a baby girl tomorrow!!!" and then she must have just ditched her preschoolers because we were able to chat then for a little bit. As I drove home, I got more and more excited. I actually pulled over in a CVS parking lot and starting sending mass texts out. And then as I drove home, my phone was exploding with people texting and calling back, making for a distracting drive. I got to Eli's preschool a little early, my head still swimming; the director and assistant director stay at the front doors when the kids are entering/exiting, and they were already there - I know I was just babbling as I approached them telling them I was getting a baby THE NEXT DAY. It was such fun news to share!
Once at home, I knew we had to get into gear. I am so thankful for my good friend Lindsay, who thanfully had moved into Katy a couple of months ago and lives close by. She took Eli for me so I could start getting the house ready for the baby. I hadn't been to the grocery store in a while, so I went to HEB and felt like I was packing us up for a hurricane, buying so much stuff - I guess I was thinking I didn't know when it would be convenient to go to the store again, with a newborn in tow. Once Doug got home, he and I went to Babies R Us, and picked up a few clothes - and more stuff, but I actually can't remember what else we bought that night! I put a clean sheet on the bassinet that we had used for Eli (an antique one given to us by Aunt Lenette), and pulled out the package of diapers we had bought a while back. Found the infant car seat in the garage, set up the pack and play and cleaned it off.
When we picked Eli up, Lindsay had a surprise for us. She had taken her three kids plus Eli to the mall, and gotten him a "big brother" tshirt, and a newborn outfit for the baby - a "Little sister" onsie, pants, and hairbows! She had also taken several pictures of Eli, since this was his last night as a single child. So thoughtful!
Thursday morning, we were nervous wrecks. We finally got the phone call that the mom was discharged from the hospital and on her way to the agency. As we prepared to leave, I was still fretting about giving the birth mom some type of present/token kind of thing. We stopped at the Hallmark store on the way, and I got her one of the Willow Tree angels - the Angel of Hope. We had decided on Hope for a middle name, since the Jeramiah 29:11 verse of "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...plans to give you a hope and a future..." really resonated with me. I thought the figurine could remind her of how she (the birth mom) had played a part in giving us a hope and a future with our new daughter.
We met my sister-in-law, Laura, and the kids on the way, so they could follow us to the agency. They were coming along to help out with Eli, since we knew we'd be there a few hours.
We entered the agency, and were shown to the back office. A few minutes later, our baby's birth mom (let's call her T), came in the room with the baby, and handed her to me. We all were teary, and I remember introducing myself to T. We all sat down in the office to talk for a little while. T was really on the quiet side, it was hard to draw her out - I asked her a few questions, and she would answer, but not with a lot of detail. She had just given birth and I'm sure was overwhelmed emotionally and physically. She also seemed to be a little on the quiet side though in general. I gave her the angel and she cried a little bit. We talked a little bit about T's other children (she has 2 boys), and how the delivery went. At one point, she asked if we had any clothes with us, as the outfit Analise was wearing was a little big. We had bought an outfit the night before, but didn't want to ask to change her, trying to be respectful of what the birth mom had dressed her in. So when she asked, we immediately said "yes!" and were happy to help change her. As we were changing her, I asked T if she wanted to keep that first outfit, and she said yes - she said she was not even going to wash it so she could keep the baby's scent on it. The agency workers came in and out of the office, giving us time to talk and connect. We all took turns holding the baby, and I took several pictures. We asked T what were her expectations with the open adoption, and she just said she wanted lots of pictures. We don't know how the relationship will proceed over time, if we will meet periodically, or just exchange pictures - only time will tell. That's a whole other bridge to cross - I am open to Analise seeing her birth mom from time to time, as long as it's not too confusing for her. But again, time will tell.
Finally it was time for T to leave. She was getting tired, we could tell. As we were standing to leave, she started crying harder. She told us her aunt had said, "don't cry in front of them, they will think you don't want them to have the baby," and we told her it was totally ok to cry. I'll never forget that she said to me as she left, "please tell her I love her." I remember at our orientation, the director told us, birth mothers love their children, even though people think they "don't love them" because they placed the child for adoption. Quite the opposite, they love this child enough not to abort and to make sure the child can be raised in a loving home.
After she left, we had a few minutes of quiet, then it was our turn to sign papers. They actually had a little "contract" for Eli to sign as the big brother. It says he will promise to love and protect his new baby sister. So sweet.
We finally packed up the baby in the car seat - thankfully Laura was there to help us, as I felt like such a fumbling fool trying to get the bags and children all together to leave!
When we got home, my mom was there fixing dinner; we already had two or three presents that had been dropped off, as well as a meal! We were so overwhelmed with the generosity and love from our friends and family over the next few days. We received presents, and had a care calendar set up for us through our ladies' ministery at church - so we had meals brought twice a week for five weeks, now that was awesome! The church folks also gave us a baby shower a couple of weeks later, and again, we were overwhelmed with all of the beautiful things we were given.
It's been 6 weeks now that we have been a family of four. I have to be honest, it has not been easy, getting used to having a newborn and a toddler at the same time! But, we are hanging in there. Everything happened so fast, that it's taken a few weeks for me to process that we really have a DAUGHTER now. Sometimes I get overwhelmed as I think about all that we have to face in the future, especially with the different race issues. But then I calm down and think, let's just get her to sleep through the night, we have time to worry about all that later!!! She is a very sweet baby, good natured, and sleeps a TON. It's been so fun to dress her up in all of the beautiful clothes we have been given.
Here are a few pictures from the beginning - I have so many pictures now, so will have to do some more blog entries so it won't be too much in this one entry!
introducing Analise to Eli. He wasn't too interested in the baby! We had bought him a new toy to play with in the office, so that sorta took priority for him....
Can't get over all that hair!
Eli signing his contract.
Welcome home, Analise. We've been waiting for you!
